NY Athletic Director Requires Female Wrestlers to Have Beards and Bench 500 to Wrestle Boys

AD Vince Landon says his standards are reasonable. (John Rensten Getty Images)

by Patterson Kane, Not-So-News News Satire

COBVILLE, NY - Athletic Director Vince Landon of Cobville Central School in Cobville, NY is requiring female wrestlers trying out for the varsity boys’ team to have beards, run a 5-minute mile, and bench 500 pounds. “Standards are up to each school district,” said Landon. “And we think, well—I think—our standards are reasonable.”

Aspiring female wrestlers are also required to get a 48 out of 50 on the NFL-famous Wonderlic test, a score that would match the all-time high score by University of Georgia’s Benjamin Watson, who now plays for the New England Patriots.

Landon, who likes riding to work in a covered wagon, never wrestled. “I just want to protect these girls from the boys,” said Landon. “So our standards make sure they are mature enough and strong enough to compete against the fellas.”

The boys don’t have to take any tests to compete. Cobville has never had a female wrestler in the boys’ program.

The issue surfaced when 8th grade Katy Hoyer, a 7x youth state champion, including twice in the boys’ division, wanted to try out for the 99-pound varsity spot. Landon turned her away when she failed to bench press 500 pounds.

The spot will be filled by a male first-year wrestler who, according to Hoyer, can’t do more than 9 push-ups. “Until New York sanctions female wrestling,” said Hoyer’s father Zane, “this the kind of crap we have to put up with.”